Realized this morning – here’s what I’m missing: almost 30 years of shared memories with someone – of course Allen.
This huge understanding we had after sharing so much just virtually vanished – was gone with his last breath. That’s a hell of a lot of what was so important to me, and where my mind returns so often, to everything we shared.
All of our early years, then the family years, happy years of holidays and seasons passing, then the more challenging years of losing parents – and of raising teenage boys(!) – but always, there were so many happy times, summers, RV trips, comfort, cold beers and cohesiveness.
Now that’s gone – my years of shared memories, of life events, with Allen – gone, and I am homesick for them, for what we had together.
It is now coming up to four years since Allen’s death, and I find myself still thinking back to so many of our times together, our memories.
I am currently seeing a man, a very nice man, but not really even truly my type – still trying to figure that one out. He often says that we’re creating memories when we have little getaways or outings. Problem is that they don’t feel like memories of the same quality, they don’t always feel like memories I am going to cherish. Who knows?!
Losing the person you shared a lifetime of memories with is sad, it really is.