An email to my sons

Since my husband, Allen, died suddenly three years ago I have done all kinds of writing — some of it in a really disciplined practice — other writing just kind of random. I am going to carry on with this blog by posting some of this writing as I look back on it and reflect now.

Below is the text from an email I sent to my sons 6 months after the event of their father’s passing — at the time Allen died, my younger son, Lance, was 25 and Andrew was 32. Yes, they were adult men at the time, but still, in my opinion, too young to lose their father.


Dear Andrew and Lance —

A half year, six months, has passed since Dad passed away — I want to send some loving thoughts your way as I know we will all be feeling sad and lonesome for Dad today.

It was such a terrible shock for all of us to lose Dad so suddenly and really very unexpectedly — he had always been so strong and hardworking and caring for us — I know how shocked he was himself to learn of the first heart attack, and I know now how very saddened he would be to know that a cardiac arrest followed and he was never able to either say goodbye to any of us.

I want to thank you both for the extraordinary support received during and since the incredibly difficult month of May. Andrew, you are an incredible listener and just hearing some of the pain I have shared with you has meant a great deal to me. Lance, your true compassion shown all through the difficult weeks and consistently through these last six months has been such a comfort to me. Thank you both for being the truly upstanding men Dad raised you to be.

Decades of loyalty and shared values had lead Allen and I to a place of such easy and compatible companionship. We really enjoyed each other’s company, and our many trips were such a pleasant time for us — our pride in both of you also kept us bonded and very close to each other. Losing my very best friend has been a heart-wrenchingly difficult challenge for me.



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